I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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