Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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