i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
