so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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