Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
