She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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