I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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