we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
