my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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