I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So apparently I’m into choking now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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