so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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