You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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