What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
