So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
