I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
