Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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