But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
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i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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