eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
