Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize