Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
