A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
