if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
