I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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