He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
