don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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