So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Someone signed my nipple.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
