Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
