I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this is an emotional support booty call
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
