I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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