He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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