You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
