i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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