Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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