Sry I called you an 8
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
