Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
