You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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