matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize