The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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