Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
