Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
