There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
