I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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