I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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