I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
