I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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