I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
