i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
