you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
