I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
