my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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