Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
