I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
well you can't waste a boner
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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