Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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