so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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