it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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