i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
