I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
