whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
