I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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