i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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