fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
