Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
