You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
