Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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