he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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