you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize