If i come over, it means nothing
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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