i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
