Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
