He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
