U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
