I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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