I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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