I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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