apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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