I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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