She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
