I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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